its been only less than a week since i posted here. but it seems much longer.

started working at kumon at beginning of month. rather liked the place, but it took a while for me to get used to it. now everything's fine.

went for the perf "spirits" did not really enjoy the play. not because it was lousy but cause i went in with a closed mindset especially throughout the first half of the play. i can't put in the basic 四工五法, i can't pin point and figure out exactly what is the thing they wann bring across. or rather i've got a point but i refuse to tink that its that plainly put across. maybe i was expecting too much, thinking too deeply in. lesson learnt: go into a performance of any sort with a open mind and heart. that way more things will be learnt and more things can be seen and heard, enjoyed and accepted.

went for pre-camp. enjoyed myself. but as usual i went with a worried heart. will i enjoy myself, will i feel involved, will i be within the circle. ended the day feeling that at least i've gotten to know more friendly people. the games were fun. the people are friendly. i just take a longer time to open myself to others. but i seriously want the camp to be fun, to be a success.

next monday to thursday is the camp. i believe it'll be a success. i hope it would. then after next week more things will come into play. dreading it but looking forward to it at the same time.

very shack and tired these few past weeks. mentally mostly. don't know why. i am occupied physically but mentally empty. or rather its too filled with things that i automatically block them out. my parents are worried. they've been worried for some times back then liao just that they've not voiced it out until recently. i think i've changed. i'm troubled but i not sure what troubles what emotions what temper what matters what works and what's worthy of the effort. who to talk to, who to approach, who to blame, who to rely, who to depend, who to ask, who to vent on.

i don't even know whats wrong, so don't ask me whether i alright not. cause i can say that i'm not. but i can't say wat's wrong. i can't say where went wrong. i can't say anything. most probably n usually i'll just appear all well and healthy infront of you guys everytime we meet. or maybe this will be my answer qouting from someone "looking for a life"